On 2nd June 2008, there was an incident in Mumbai which will perhaps be a landmark in Mumbai's history in so many ways. since it allows me to show so many facets of Mumbai life to you clearly. This incident was what is now popularly known as the Perriera Wadi incident. ( http://epaper.timesofindia.com/Repository/ml.asp?Ref=VE9JTS8yMDA4LzA2LzA1I0FyMDA1MDE=&Mode=HTML&Locale=english-skin-custom )

The first view I would like to show you is the bleeding heart journalism which is so commonplace today. --- All I saw for weeks was papers screaming about the builder , politician nexus. All they talked about was how people were dragged out of their traditional homes in the middle of Bandra since the property rates had gone so high. Allegations were bandied and urban legends were born about this politician or that politician standing around with sten guns while the houses were being demolished. It seems like a wonder that no one alleged Sonia Gandhiji or Manmohanji or Vajpayeeji was there.

The second view is that of the average slum dweller -- This is the person who comes to Mumbai with a dream in his eye and an optimistic view of the future. Upon landing , he finds that there is not a square foot available for him to sleep. All he knows is that his brother or cousin or whoever has built a shanty on a dark corner of a BMC garden and there is a place available for him next door. He slaps a few tin sheets together and voila, the local politicians man turns up. A few thousand rupees later he has an electric connection. If he's very lucky , he even gets a water connection from (wait for it) the same BMC whose garden he has encroached.**

Mumbai has a very simple evolutionary cycle. I have defined it in the following drawing for pavement dwellers but it applies to all kinds of slums. ( Please click on picture for a larger image.) As you can see its a never ending cycle, with the slum dwellers who have never been used to paying for taxes, electricity, water and a hundred other things that you and me pay for through our nose.

The third view is of the local youths who jump onto any band wagon without looking too deep at the is sues. These are the people my column every week is actually aimed at. They are the youth of tomorrow who wish to do something but are being misled with improper advice. They are the ones who can perhaps make a better tomorrow if led correctly.

For example the Mount Carmel Youth Movement who has been so voiceferous in this particular case. ( http://mtcarmelyouthmovement.com )

The fourth is the builders lobby, for whom the razing of Perriera wadi was a ray of hope of a possible future course of event. The possibility that one day if a small bunch of residents in a slum ever blackmail them for astronomical sums, the spectre of Perriera Wadi will remain present. The ghost that theres a limit to blackmailing the builders after which they can be thrown on the street from land which never belonged to them in the first place.

The fifth view is the police personnel who are supposed to have been standing around and even participated while the residents were pulled out of the shanties. There's perhaps no proof that this did happen but if it did its one of the blackest marks on the already black face of Mumbai

The sixth is of the actual owner of the land of Periera wadi. For him, it was land occupied which he inherited from his father but which was land he could never use since it was encroached upon by the slum dwellers. He owned half of Bandra ( All Periera wadis were his) but died with hardly a penny to his name cashwise. In reality a poor little rich man.

The seventh view is of the BMC. The BMC is made up of babus who move from post to post without any accountability for their previous actions. At most there is a slap on the wrist called a "suspension" which is a euphemism for "pull your head down till the s**t stops flying".

6 months later they are back to their old tricks.

The image on the left shows the state of a so called garden opposite Bandra (E) station which the BMC has failed to miserably protect and whats more has provided water to the slum dewellers there so that they can continue to encroach.

The eight view is of the politicians. The image shows the BMC garden as a dream of "Shri Sunil Dutt" which his daughter has relagated to the back burner instead of making it come true just for the sake of the masses of votes in the encroachment.

The ninth view is of you, me and everyone, Mr. Joe Public. The people who pass by large tracts of slums everyday and don't even wonder who owns the very land which is under it. all we do is pass by and turn the other face since our maids, drivers and sweepers come from them. The picture shows how much of the area around Periera wadi is actually covered with slums and is land not available for Bandra and actual facilities that are desperately needed for Bandraites who have paid something like Rs. 35,000 per sq ft carpet area.

(what drives me up the wall is that these Bandraites are the same people who wrote blogs and blogs asking for support for the very same slum dwellers who are depriving their children of the green space they desperately need).

The whole problem with Periera wadi and the endemic of hundreds of Periera wadis around us lies in our whole attitude towards India and Indians. We have this habit of rewarding crime. Be it amnesty schemes for stamp duty, service tax, income tax or the myriad of other levies we pay to subsidse the other 98% who doesn't pay anything at all.

In the case of housing the situation is similar, what do we do with the honest house buyer. We allow the garden space around his house to be encroached by the "slum dweller" who when he has captured the space for long enough becomes legitimate and is then REWARDED for his crime of land grabbing by being allocated a flat on the same land.

I know that the right the right to housing is now a fundamental right, but at no point does the right mean the right to own , it basically means right to live in a house.

We as citizens need not feel sorry for the "residents of Periera wadi" but rather we need to realise that "Periera wadis" will not stop till such time as we stop rewarding crime, till we stop this nonsensical scheme of giving away free flats. Under no circumstances should the slum dweller be allowed to own the very place he has grabbed illegally.

What gives the government the right to give away flats built with our taxpaying funds on land on which there was a park to be created for the good of our taxpaying public to people who are to all intents and purposes "land grabbers". If this land grabbing ever has to stop, the SRA should rather be converted to a rental rather than an ownership scheme.

Dont reward the law breakers by making them property owners.

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** At one time, I owned a "godown" in Periera Wadi. By the way, a lot of the so called residences demolished were godowns and other similar structures. The methodology of transaction was simple. All that was needed was a power of attorney which was handed down from occupant to occupant.

If I remember correctly I was the 5th or 6th owner. No one questioned it, no one doubted it.

I paid approx 10 lakhs for it, and sold it for almost the same amount in a few months a few years ago, the current occupant I believe asked for 60 lakhs from the slum redevelopment people since by the time of demolition it was a two level structure occupied by a mother and son, who according to them were entitled to two flats. ( ownership not encroached mind you)

Isn't life fun.

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Folks, I have been flooded with mails telling me that my review of Sarkar raj was not what was expected from me. That I have become too trivial. I have realised that my readers are now expecting a much higher level of writing from me and I do apologise for letting them down. Please do keep the mails coming in, it keeps me informed as to what to write and what not to.

In my defense, my idea last week was to show the kind of blatant bending of rules that happens with politicians on screen and what people will stand for. This is specially important when juxtaposed with the politicians trying to get themselves elected on a gooda turned politician ticket.

(If my readers found last weeks articles trivial, I just hope they don't lynch me for this weeks which shows how idiotic our Indian brains have become and the kind of rubbish we will stand for on our news channels)

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Idiot box

Has anyone seen the nonsense that passes for television nowadays in India ?

I have already written about this serial which created stupid shocking headlines about a woman who is torn about how she should choose between her duty to her maiden family Vs her duties after marriage. ( http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2008/01/yeh-hai-mumbai-meri-jaan.html )

As my readers will recollect I thought it was a very stupid premise which was sensationalized just to grab eyeballs.

Guess what ? time has proved me right. The story has now gone from a woman torn between duties to the two families to a mystery of a woman living behind a locked door on the 3rd floor, and of course one about every man in the serial having an affair. The conflict of a woman torn between families which was an interesting and daring idea to explore, has all but disappeared.

Guess , the writers had a quick change of heart when they saw the TRPs. The name of the serial should now be changed to " Babul Ka Aangan Choot Gaya".

We all talk about TV serials but the level of Television news reporting has gotten even worse than this. Someone must be watching this rubbish for them to be showing it.

I was sent the following two sets of pics by some readers and it beautifully portrays the level our television audiences addiction to the pure rubbish that is shown on the IDIOT BOX.

(Read the words on the screens below)

Rahul ate daal and puri - when Rahul Mahajan went to jail	Cat climbed on ledge, followed by cat jumped off ledge
Amitabh Bachchan got a cold	Commissioners dog lost
followed by of course --Commissioners dog found

This of course can be followed by the love story of two aged lions followed up in gory detail:

As to reality shows, the less said the better, the latest show which is being advertised called " Pati Patni aur Who" ( Husband , wife and the other person -- also known as menage a trios).

This show is subtittled as 'Kabhi Pyar Kabhi Yaar" ( sometimes your loved one and sometimes your lover) and coming from the stable of SET India and our dear old Ekta Kapoor and I am ashamed of the mental age of the average Indian viewer.

Is this Indian culture ?

Can one person tell me which so called modern day Indian woman or man stands by and watches their partners in the arms of another ?

Where are the guardians of morality now ?

The people who go around breaking glass and damaging property every time there's an arty movie with even a hint of sexual openness.

The woman's wing of the Shiv Sena ?

MNS ?

Akhil Bharitya Mahila _____ ____ ?( fill in the gaps )

Anyone ?

Guess there's no political mileage to be gained so we wont hear a peep out of them.

I'm sure it too much to hope that they have finally woken up to the fact that the Indian culture was sexually open enough and understanding enough that Indian women happily sent their men to courtesans and that Indian men knew that women needed more than just their attentions long before Queen Victoria came in with her prudishness.

Now if only these moral prudes realize that Indian women have been dressing in a very sensual way for years without inviting rape, till they and their false morality came along and linked them together, so that the More's of this world don't have a chance to smirk anymore, while the politicians merrily get their ugly mugs on television and start blaming the poor victims for the ways they dressed. (http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2007/04/three-little-things.html )

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One piece of good news

It seems that someone somewhere is listening. Since my article of a couple of weeks ago, (http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2008/06/mumbai-to-shanghai.html) I am happy to announce that the papers today say that the state government is creating a special agency to look at parking fees in the city and multi story parking lots, etc.

Of course , it will join the 17 other agencies fighting for managing the parking space, roads, etc but at least its a start.

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Bole Kabir

I have just discovered a wealth of knowledge in the words of Sant Kabir. Most of my readers will perhaps have thought that there is nothing in common with this saint who lived in another era where the circumstances and environment were different and for their sakes I'm going to enclose a couplet at the bottom of each of my articles from now on:

"Gotaa Maaraa Sindhu Mein, Motee Layee Paithi

Vah Kyaa Motee Paayenge, Rahi Kinaare Baithi."

Actual Translation: The ones who jump into the lake (Sindhu river), will get the true pearls. The one who sits on the side of the river has no chance of ever getting the pearls.

My interpretation based on today's circumstances: If we wish to make a change in the circumstances around us (the pearl symbol) we must do something. If we sit on the side watching, we have no chance of making it happen.

Now as the movie itself, before I get mobbed with readers who scream at me saying I'm a nasty so and so for always picking on the Bachchan family, let me clarify that the acting of the Bachchans' (all including the new one)in the movie is faultless, the issues I have are with RGV and his conceptualization of the movie.

The first movie (Sarkar) had me gripped on the edge of the seat waiting to see what comes next, waiting for the next scene. This one doesn't. The gaps are so big in this movie that you can drive a truck through it. RGV one thing you have made obvious is when you made this movie is, you aren't a Francis Ford Coppola, so perhaps sticking to inspired by movies or remakes would be better than tying to take a premise and then trying to adapt it.

( The whole adaptation and storyline line was too stiff like he was trying to force a square peg in a round hole)

Let me start with what I found shocking.

How can a head of a political party who is completely in the public eye, put his hand on the hand (Indian movie symbolism for getting intimate) with the head of a foreign company within a few days of his pregnant wife's' death. [ he was still in the process of taking revenge for her death so it cant have been too many days in between].

And just before that, Abhishek's character fires a trusted family lieutenant in front of this chit of a girl who's the head of a company which has a vested interest. Add to that the fact that Amitabh's character starts discussing intimate political matters with Abhishek's character and washing dirty linen in her presence.

And the fact that Abhishek reveals to a girl who he's known for a few days the fact that he killed his brother over a cup of tea. In politics you don't admit to killing anyone , not in front of your own people forget about the CEO of a foreign company who may some days later go running to the press if you don't grant her the concession to build the power plant.

Add to this the scene where Abhishek's character goes in guns blazing with just two lieutenants (his sten toting bodyguards are nowhere to be seen)to free his opponent from his kidnappers, killing people left and right, followed immediately by a press conference where he's so afraid for his life that he's surrounded by 10 sten gun toting people the moment he steps off stage. My mind is in a total spin with the contradictions.

Only thing I can think of was that like with almost all politicians, the the gun toting guards are a status symbol and were there to intimidate the public and not to protect him and when he there was no public, they were not needed.

The cherry on the cake of course was the presence of a woman at the burning ghaat which is definitely not allowed in the Hindu religion. Specially a woman not related to the deceased and someone who is the head of a controversial project and that too within days of the death of the first wife. In real life, the papers and press would have had a field day.

How does the Indian public swallow such rubbish.

Opps I forgot, anyone who can overlook the blatant stuff in the Shivani Bhatnagar and Kini cases can definitely swallow all this.

Talking of Kini, has anyone seen the new poster of Mr.Raj Thackerey put up by his supporters.

Please let me know what is he trying to portray with this free fund linking of himself with the movie:

1) Is he trying to say he's a person who is ready to shoot his brother in cold blood if the need happens.

2) Is he trying to say that its ok to mete out justice albeit fatal justice to anyone who he feels does not match his ideology

3) Is he saying that he's a gangster who has the greater good at heart.

If I'm not wrong, that's what Sarkar is portrayed as, isn't it ?

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The last straw

Folks, things are really coming to a head. Are we so dumb, so eunuch like that we will get roggered up our kazoos and still lick the foot that kicks us.

I have just heard that Priya Dutt is talking about giving up her seat in favour of her brother Sunjay Dutt who will now try for an MP seat from the Congress.

This is too much. Isn't this the same Sunjay Dutt who was CONVICTED of Terrorism (normally a capital offence) and is now out on a technicality while his lawyer files an appeal.

Isn't this the same Sanjay Dutt who in an inebriated state ( drunk) fired rounds at Rajesh Khanna's bungalow just because he was a bit miffed at him.

Isn't this the same Sanjay Dutt who was so unhappy with the marriage laws in Maharashtra that he went to Goa to get married there since the laws were more conducive to his needs.

Now he expects to get elected from Maharashtra ? What happens to other laws that don't suit his needs in the future ? Maybe the gun laws ?

Imagine what will happen if he's an MP ? Is this Maharashtra or Bihar ?

If Munnabhai Opps sorry !!!!! Sunjay Dutt gets away with it, it will give an open licence to every two bit hoodlum to make a feel good movie and become a hero. ( see Sarkar Raj article above where politicians are now identifying themselves with gangsters and are confident that people will support this kind of quasi official mafiaism and will vote them in on this platform of legal goondagirdi)

I have said it before (http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2007/07/lage-raho-munnabhai.html) and I will repeat it.

Sunjay Dutt --- Guilty as hell

Munnabhai --- Innocent.

For your own futures and the futures of your children PLEASE DO NOT MIX THEM UP.

Folks, this week I am visiting Hong Kong and its been 9 years since I came here last. My last trip was in 1999 when Hongkong had just recently reverted to China and the difference needs to be seen.

I can sincerely say that our dear CM should forget about making Mumbai into Shanghai and concentrate on making it into a Hong Kong. They have similar problem to ours and see how they have overcome them. They have a small area ( HK is a group of islands off the main land), so is Mumbai. It has a large amount of illegal immigrants, so does Mumbai. It is a financial centre, so is Mumbai. The similarities are too many to list here , the solutions adopted by both show us in bright spotlight the idiocy and buffoonery of our politicians.

Before 1997, everyone predicted doomsday if the Chinese ever got hold of Hong Kong and the Indians living there were packing their bags en mass. Come 2008 and I'm sure a lot of them are kicking themselves. The market is simply booming.

As to the city, I cannot describe the difference. In 1999, it was a hangover of the colonial era with dirty buildings, semi clogged streets and litter at a lot of locations. Today its neon paradise. Tall buildings touching the skies, wide roads with smooth flowing traffic ( you will see the occasional buffoon blocking the street but Chinese will be Chinese).

What amazes me is the mindset. The buildings are just like India, and the older buildings are equally messy with large garish shops on the ground and first floors and massive neons almost everywhere. Sort of reminds me of Kalbadevi but here the government recognises the need and closes the streets off to traffic and only allows pedestrian movement during certain hours. (I have for long clamoured that the by-lanes of Linking road and Kalbadevi should be made this way)

Parking is a killer and you pay anywhere from 10 to 25 HK$ per hour for parking in main districts, but it is available when needed. Multistory carparks are built since the person who builds it is able to charge a fair price and get a fair return, unlike India where car park owners charge Rs. 10/- per hour (1.2 HK$). If we compare the cost of a similar house in HK Vs one in a metro like Mumbai we see that its definitely more profitable to put up houses / offices rather than carparks.

As you can see there is incentive for people to put up car parks unlike in India. The other factor which makes putting up of car parks viable is you cannot park on the roads in HK. This forces people to use the car parks and leaves the roads free flowing. But the biggest factor is the public transport system. It is well thought of, well designed and easy to use which means that its no problem for even the richest of people to use public transport.

Everywhere we go in Hong Kong is tourist friendly. The best part is they aren't only tourist friendly as in "gora skin" or for the whiteys like we Indians are. They are even tourist friendly to the local Chinese visitors from the other provinces.

Imagine, our fat bloody politicians who scream about "Chaat Pujas" at Juhu Chowpatty actually treating the north Indian tourists who throng the Juhu Chowpatty with an iota of respect instead since they bring a lot of money into Mumbai as a city and Maharastra as a state.

Oh No, the only tourists we recognise as legitimate is anyone with a skin whiter than ours and of course the tourists we look down on are the ones with skins blacker than ours.

Folks, you may not believe this but we are one of the most racists societies in the world.

The Hong Kong government has actually put a lot of thought into making it a tourist spot. Each landmark is carefully marked and everything is made easy for the visitor. Imagine going to lengths to ensure that there are electrical sockets next to seats on the platform of the MTR for that emergency recharge for your mobile/ laptop. If it is India , we would perhaps see someone put up a shanty next to the socket and draw free power or the vada pau vendor (legal or illegal) on the platform would not have to pay any more bills thanks to the WR's largesse.

That brings me to another important aspect, law and order. There are no cops visible in HK. Can you believe that?

The only time we saw any cops was when they were taking down a report of a woman molested close to Chung King Mansion** and within minutes they were gone. Back into some dark corner of invisibility.

The point is despite the limited presence on the street, no one here breaks the law. They all know that even if the cops are not visible , they are lurking unseen, watching through eyes in the skies, waiting to swoop. Its a completely different feeling of security. In contrast, it makes me feel as if I'm living in a prison in India under the all invading eyes of the Indian cops ever afraid of what they will do next.

The laws here are very strict with there being fines like 2000 HK$ for eating or drinking inside places like stations. I asked my friends here how did they enforce it and they said , the enforcement was very strict. That is perhaps one of the reasons we see the city as one of the most visit-able in the world.

I would blindly recommend it to anyone as their next holiday destination.

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Chungking mansions is the den of iniquity in Kowloon side of HK. Here you can buy anything from a pin to a plane. The daytime you'll see it full of Indian , Pakistanis and Afghans selling out of small box like hawking stalls and at night the area becomes chock full of people of every shade of brown from the light brown of India to the dark browns of the deepest part of Africa peddling everything from the latest mobile phone copy to their bodies.

Chunk King has always been a place where the poorer sections of Africa comes to buy mixed bag of stuff which they go back and sell in their country and then come back again for another load.

What is missing in Chung King is the Chinese. They obviously seek the safer regions of HK to do their business.

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Talking about racism, I have two observations. Some time ago I had written about the Gujaratis and their food habits. I am happy to announce that you can now get Gujarati thali on the top of Mount Tittlis and Jain food on ocean cruiser Superstar Virgo.

I have no objection to this since if we can import Thai food and Indianise it and make it available everywhere I think our Indian cuisine should also have a fighting chance across the world albeit the sweeter version which is not exactly my taste. I thank the Gujaratis for making sure our cusine has a fighting chance.

The issue I have is with the way the Gujaratis flaunt their food habits. I am on a ferry boat on the way back from Macau and I have just been treated to a Gujarati blast. As lord Tennyson said "cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right of them".

The whole lot of them ( obviously many families traveling together), had each prepared some "snakes" to eat along the way. And of course as the journey got underway, they decided that that it was time they shared the food. So guess what, they get up and start chatting and passing food across the the passages just like the 5:15 Virar Local.

( Please see enclosed video for the vast contrast of the right side of the boat where the the Chinese and we are sitting and the left side where the gang decided to have their impromptu picnic.)

{ I was fully expecting an "antakshri " competition any time but luckily the trip was a hydrofoil and got over before they got warmed up }

The blocking of the passage and volume got so bad that the steward had to intervene and tell them to sit down and clear the passage before one of these idiots hurt himself when the boat went over the swells.

Lastly , when I was planning this trip, one of my friends told me that he had just visited Singapore and that there were a lot more Maharashtrians there than Gujaratis or any other type of Indians. I didnt believe it, but except for this lot I haven't seen many Gujaratis but I have definitely bumped into 4 groups of Maharastrians. It seems the Far east has lost its charm for the gujaratis ( like my travel agent was saying) and they have all headed for Europe. (I wonder what the legendary German rudeness do when hit against this wall of affability and loud behaviour, that may be real fun to watch)

With no offense meant to any one area of people, The way to recognise the difference between the two types of tourists in absence of them talking is:

The Maharstrians- Normally the group is a couple along with their elderly parents and kids( parents compulsory, kids optional), the wife is normally saying something to stop her husband or kids from doing something.

The Gujaratis- Couples with or without a matched pair of kids , crumbs all around from the time they dust their hands after eating and talking at a volume which makes you think that they are very used to Indian mobile phone networks.

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Lastly, I am enclosing an article written by Shobha De which I think crystallizes the mindset of many a Mumbaiite today. I seriously think this is one of the best pieces of journalism I have ever read so my hats off to her.

Me, Marathi written by Shoba De

Correct me if I am wrong, Raj... but I consider myself an assal Marathi manoos. Born in Maharashtra to Maharashtrian parents etc. Proud to be Marathi (even though my language skills in my mother tongue are embarrassingly dodgy). I don't know how to make the perfect puran poli but I do love aamti.

This is clearly not enough anymore. Going by the checklist, I could be disqualified on several scores. I am married to a Bong, who has lived and worked in Mumbai for over 30 years (but alas, has not been appointed ambassador to the state of West Bengal yet!). He attends Durga Puja regularly and prefers maacher jhol to vangi bhaat.

Fortunately, we don't have a daughter-in-law to name a college after, either in Kolkata or Mumbai. And our children (like yours) did not attend Marathi-medium schools. We employ people based on their competence, not caste or region. And I have never asked the vegetable vendor, breadwalla, taxi driver, dhobi, sweeper, elevator attendant, security guard, pizza delivery boy or any of the other people who make my life easier, which part of India they come from.

This is Mumbai, meri jaan! Who cares where anyone comes from? Dhanda is all that matters. Mumbai is India 's most powerful magnet. Once you get here, you never leave. Don't believe me? Ask those innocent bhajjiwallas and doodhwallas who were beaten up and stoned by your men last week. Even with blood-soaked bandages around their heads, and broken hearts, they are staying put. As they should.

Aaah, the natak of your dramatised 'arrest' was not lost on anybody. Had Rakhi Sawant's slapping stunt not grabbed those eyeballs on Valentine's Day, viewers would still be stuck with the image of a nattily dressed you (mmmm...loved the styling), clambering in and out of the police van. If Rakhi cleverly stage-managed the incident, what should one say about your brilliant coup? Overnight, Raj Thackeray was elevated from being the discarded Thackeray to a national figure. In one well-orchestrated move, you went from being a neglected nephew of an ageing tiger, to a sharp-clawed, teeth-baring cub with an independent act of his own. The
circus acquired a brand new star attraction — you!

It was never easy being a Thackeray. Ask Balasaheb. If he targeted south Indians in the '60s, you smartly headed north. Same agenda, diametrically different directions. By questioning the bona fides of those who have made Maharashtra their home, both of you tapped into the vulnerabilities of the average Marathi manoos. It is worth asking the very people whose interests you are protecting, whether they really want to do the dirty work currently being handled by the northies.

Will the Marathi manoos agree to put in 18 hours a day plying taxis, selling veggies, washing clothes and so on? Who's stopping them from turning into vendors of milk, food grains, and other commodities? Perhaps, the Marathi manoos considers such occupations demeaning? The truth is, these jobs have always gone abegging, and there have been any number of hungry, unemployed people from other states ready and willing to grab them. Kick the 'outsiders' out at your own peril, and see what happens.

Why do farmers commit suicide in such numbers only in Maharashtra ? The answer, dear Raj, may surprise you.
In your defence, let me say you received the worst press — biased at best, and shrill to boot. Most of the semi-hysterical reporters from prestigious news channels were embarrassingly ill-informed as they blabbered incoherently each time a leaf moved outside the magistrate's court!

Surely, you are not complaining? Everything seems to be going according to the master plan. You have 'made it' in one swift move. And women are finding you kinda cute in that sleeveless baby blue pullover. Great copy, great photo ops. What more does a neta want? To keep Mayawati and Lalu out of Maharashtra ? Now, that's a tall order!

Folks almost everyone is writing about the IPL fiasco so I thought it was time that I put my 2 bits in.

First of all, lets look at the whole concept of dividing India into bits. as we all know the idea was to form 8 teams to compete against each other but god alone knows which joker came up with the idea of dividing India into bits.

Its nuts, here we are with the world uniting itself and we are dividing India into bits. I have already written about how a politician the moment she comes into power talks about dividing the state into 3 just to make sure she is elected at the next election. bout how a pimple of a state like Pondicherry is separated to appease some petty politician, now we have these jokers doing it in the name of sports.

We have ads which now show that a young man on a bus refuses to give a seat to an elderly gentleman just because he's supporting a team from another part of the country. Is this what our exulted Indian culture has come to ? Where are the hypocritical self appointed guardians of Indian Culture ?

No wonder no one today remembers that we were once a great united nation called Hindoostan and our borders extended from Persia to Thailand. All we see is a peninsula with a crown which is continuously being divided into smaller and smaller bits and fiefdoms.

When I talk to people about the IPl teams, almost everyone I know is supporting one team or another because of the owner. So we have one section voting for Preity Zinta's team while another is voting for Shahrukh Khan's team.

Wouldn't it be better to have called them Shahruk's 11 or Mallya's 11. Of course then it wouldn't follow the good old adage left behind by the British of " divide and conquer" which is pulled out by every tin pot Dictator to capture his territory

(Its important to note Mr. Modi has called himself Commissar of IPL -- the word Commissar in Russia is popularly known for Head Enforcer of unpopular laws).

I had someone counter my point of thought the other day using an argument that if I wasn't against the Football leagues which has been doing the partition on basis of areas for ages, how could I be against the division of India on lines of areas ?

All I say was that the leagues have been around for ages and are not creating any new divides. In this day and age with jokers going around talking of North India, South India, Vidharbas and regionalism which is creating hatred in the minds of the newer generation which is seething with resentment and frustration as the divide between the haves and havenots grows wider. (for example, the farmers in Vidharba are committing suicide for 20 rupees a day and a call centre employee blows up 2000 a night at a bar)

The last thing we need is partitions of this kind. Its akin to a dangerous Molotov cocktail we are allowing our children to play with.

If we wish to create divides I would rather it be done on basis of owners names etc rather than areas so that the bomb is diffused. ( By the way I don't know how much its true but someone just told me that the last two matches had just the teams names with the areas issue dropped so Kolkatta Knight Riders was referred to throughout the game as Knight riders, etc so perhaps someone somewhere is coming to his senses)

You know what the ironical part of the whole thing is which is reflected by the IPL rules. It is that a minimum of 4 local players be included in the team. Now remember that the team consists of 16 players plus physio plus coach. ( check rules here)

This means that by rules only 25% of a team has to be LOCAL to an area to which they are identified. So all you need to do is pick 3 jokers (1 seat is reserved for an icon) and backbench them and you're laughing. All the other players can be from anywhere in the world (except a minor reservation against Australians for some reason)

Now lets look at the word LOCAL.

Harbajan is considered local.......Hmmmm wonder if anyone told Raj Thakeray that. Why do I not see him protesting that Mumbai team should have only Maharashtrian cricketers. ???? Doesn't Mumbai as in Mumbai Indians belong to Maharashtra ????

All those jokers who wrote in screaming at me for talking against Raj Thakeray in my previous articles seem to have missed out this point. Perhaps one of them should get up off their backsides and go tell him something instead of writing nasty emails to me.

Then of course we have the famous cheerleaders and Mr. RR Patil in a quandary. Here we have him screaming hoarse against so called obscenity and on the other hand his Boss Mr. Sharad Pawar runs BCCI and ergo IPl and there you have scantly dressed cheerleaders shaking their booty. What is the poor man to do. He did what any normal hypocritical politico does, he backed off.

He allowed cheerleaders as long as they were "decently dressed". Dear Mr. Patil, would you now please allow bar girls to come back if they are "DECENTLY DRESSED."

Talking about the hoopla around the IPL I notice that we have things like Akshay Kumar coming in on a trapeze to do an opening and Shakrukh doing a jig on stage. All thats missing is an pair of Bollywood actors and actresses running around wickets lip syncing the songs from next movie to be released that week ( a la dance and song reality shows).

I wouldn't be surprised if we now start getting the lead pair from the latest bollywood movie to be released doing item numbers on the pitch at halftime or if the week Bhootnath releases, you have Amitabh appearing on the pitch with posters one each side of him in full blown makeup promoting the movie.

Talking about the IPL, another thing that comes to mind is that I am ashamed of how stupid and saleable our government machinery is. Here we have then doing a little song and dance every few months on surrogate advertising and there we have Vijay Mallya naming his whole team on the brand of a famous MINERAL WATER ( we all know what the mineral water is surogatley named for).

So now you have the team dressed in the colours of the "mineral water" with the logo emblazoned across their chests, and Mr. Mallya gets millions of publicity for a fraction of what it would cost him normally that too legally. Our health minister Mr. Ramadoss ( must give him credit for having some integrity) raised a stink about it but as usual when a person as powerful as Mr. Mallya is involved the whole thing got tossed to a bottomless pit.

I think if he gets away with it, next year methinks all the teams will sport the names of "mineral waters or CDs". Which may not be a bad thing after all.

There is of course the confusion of which team to vote for on which day. If on Monday we vote for Mumbai Indians against some Chennai Super Kings. What happens if on Friday that team plays against Rajasthan Royals. Do we then do a 180 degree about turn and support Chennai Super Kings ?

This kind of confusion may have one of two effects , either the target audience will get divided into bits each of which supports only one team like it happens in football or the audience for these matches will consist of just a bunch of jokers who will watch anything which happens on the idiot box no matter how non-sensical or banal it is. Either way the commercial aspects and eyeballs attraction of the game will decline with the novelty wearing off.

Lastly, one good thing I see coming out of this, with the teams being limited to 8, there are a lot of mee toos out there, sitting on a lot of hot money.

They will see Sharukh and Priety and imagine themselves as being team owners too. Now that they can't own a cricket team, we may see money spill over into football, hockey and other such sports. If even one other sport starts getting organized the way IPL is, that to me is worth this whole fiasco.

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Before I start, let me apologise for the bad quality of the Mumbai timeline enclosed in last weeks article. I have recd many many complaints about it so have uploaded a fresh copy at http://theindipatriot.blogspot.com/2008/03/mumbai-timeline-clear-picture.html

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I normally discourage the circulation of any email the facts of which have not been thoroughly checked by me. Thus to date, I have kept my mouth shut on the nonsense circulating about MF Hussain but cannot restrain myself anymore.

I'm sure a lot of you have received this mail wherein there are pictures said to be painted by MF Hussain which show that he's a Hindu Hater and a Muslim lover. Its one of the most circulated mails on the internet.

The straw that broke the camels back and made me break my silence on this mail is a piece of rabid nonsense quoted to me by a fanatic who in turn, was merely quoting a well known writer who has professed himself to be an authority by de-riding the 'so-called' Hussain paintings.

I am pained to see sensible balanced Indians lapping up this nonsense and then re-circulating it.
To begin with, let me say that I have done a search on the net and cannot find any of the paintings sent to me, except 3 the Draupadi, the nude Bharatmata and Saraswati ones, as confirmed Hussains.

These are the same paintings which the Honorable Court has taken cognizance of as being possible offenders of public morale.

The others may or may not be the work of someone with Photoshop and a lot of free time. (As a matter of fact, I would not mind buying some of the paintings as they are quite good and who knows, someday they may even become invaluable "piece-d'arts")

Hussain, according to me, is nothing but a man for whom adulation has gone to the head someone who has now started abusing his artistic license by making paintings on the edge.

The one about him in the form of a bull in copulation with a Manaxi signed as a "Mcbull " is Freudian at the very least and reflects a mind which needs some serious "meditation".

Artists are known to be a bit edgy ( for example Van Gogh was put in an asylum and shot himself in the end or Chintan Upadhaya sits nude as his own installation). But, someone needs to sit Hussain down and tell him the facts of life.

However despite Hussain and his eccentricities , I do not see any greater sinister design in these paintings, except perhaps some manipulation by some clever politicians over a bunch of weak minded fools for their own gain.

I found that upon trying to research MF Hussain there are very few links to paintings done by him and a lot of blogs repeating and attributing the same unconfirmed pictures said to be drawn by him.

If any of my readers have confirmed links to any of the images I have labeled as unconfirmed, then please do forward these links to me immediately, so that I can do a follow-up for our readers.

Now, here's my interpretation of the paintings (even if the unconfirmed ones have been done by him) as compared to the misinterpretation in the mails sent to me:

1) Hussain unconfirmed ( Durga on a tiger)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Goddess Durga in sexual union with Tiger My reading of this painting; How does one have sexual union with a tiger in the middle of his back ? and isnt Durga's mount a tiger, wouldn't it be more logical to assume Durga riding a tiger since shes on the tiger instead of vice versa. What king of sexual union are these people used to ? I've heard of woman superior position but this is too much. Also why has no one objected to the use of 3 breasts on Durga instead of 2, isnt that an insult ?
2) Hussain unconfirmed: ( 4 leaders)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Out of the four leaders M. Gandhi is decapitated and Hitler is naked. Hussain hates Hitler and has said in an interview 8 years ago that he has depicted Hitler naked to humiliate him and as he deserves it ! How come Hitler's nudity cause humiliation when in Hussain's own statement nudity in art depicts purity and is in fact an honour ! This shows Hussain's perversion and hypocrisy. My reading of this painting; Buddhist art has used a symbol for Buddha with things like sun showing that his light was so big that it could not be shown as a normal being. Can we not also read this like Gandhi's light of knowledge was so brilliant that Hussain was overwhelmed by it and a sun has been used to symbolise it. Whats more important why is no one talking about why Gandhi has only one arm in the picture ? perhaps because it would not serve any political purpose ?
3) Hussain confirmed : ( Bharatmata nude)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Bharatmata - Hussain has shown naked woman with names of states written on different parts of her body. He has used Ashok Chakra, Tri-colour in the painting. By doing this he has violated law & hurt National Pride of Indians. Both these things should be of grave concern to every Indian irrespective of his religion. My reading of this painting; Hussain during this time was a person in a madness phase overwhelmed with the adulation which mad people gave him by quoting 100 crores for 100 paintings. He's a monster created by us and the media and now he's come back to bite us.
4) Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Full Clad Muslim King and naked Hindu Brahmin. The above painting clearly indicates Hussain's tendency to paint any Hindu as naked and thus his hatred My reading of this painting; Can this painting not be seen as an evil Muslim leader pulling a wicked looking sword behind the back of a defenseless innocent Hindu ( the nudity symbolizing defenselessness) , thereby be-lying the claims of the detractors of Hussain who say that he shows Muslims in good light and Hindus in bad.
5) Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Lord Hanuman and Goddess Sita sitting on thigh of Ravana My reading of this painting; Hanuman is a monkey god, would it be right to clothe him ? I dont see Ravan wearing a loin cloth, so why are the people not protesting that ? Is it ok to show the genitalia of villians ? I don't see Sita sitting on Ravan's lap. What I do see is a Sita behind Ravana in a repeat of Sania Mirza-Indian Flag controversy. What I see is a ferocious Hanuman fearlessly coming to rescue Sita after Ravana has tried to outrage her modesty.
6) Hussain confirmed : ( Draupadi)	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Draupadi My reading of this painting; Offical title is Draupadi on dice. It is supposed to symbolise Draupadi who fell after she was lost in a dice game and the cloth covering her almost nudity ( along with her falling motion which is a symbol of her helplessness at the hands of the men who used her as a plaything) symbolises the cover she was provided by Sri Krishna. ( If Hussain really wanted , he could have made the cloth transparent like the ones we see in a lot of older Hindu paintings so that we could see her nudity, just the fact he made it opaque says volumes)
7) Hussain Unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Naked Shri Parvati My reading of this painting; I'm not even sure this is a genuine Hussain since the style is definitely different but I could be wrong. Why are we not seeing an objection to Parvati being portrayed with three arms like a freak instead of 2 ?
8) Hussain unconfirmed:	Explanation of this painting sent to me: Goddess Lakshmi naked on Shree Ganesh's head My reading of this painting; Again style seems different doesn't it. Again 3 arms ? What does this man have with 3 arms / why not 2 or 4 or any other even number? Is there is Christian conspiracy with the Holy trinity being shown in the three arms subminally ( just joking) (There is another piece of rubbish circulating on the net talking about the Christian Churches and how they control the media. Why are these jokers not alleging that perhaps the Christian Churches could easily have bribed Hussain to Show the Holy trinity sublimely in Hindu Gods thereby pushing Christianity as superior to Hinduism)

Among all the mails showing Hussain as against Hindus there were a few pictures which said he was slanted towards Musims since he showed prominent Muslim and other figures he respected as clothed.

So I went out and found some pictures confirmed as done by Hussain which we can compare with the unconfirmed and confirmed clothed paintings in the mail which are said to portray the evil Mr. Hussain.

This shows that all in all we should not make hasty judgements by just pulling a sample out.

Last but not the least, a Hussain I found was a durga but alas , fully clothed:

As to Mr. Hussain , if he wishes to paint himself as Mc bull or any other kind of animal in a copulatory or any other pose, he's welcome to do so as long as he keeps the sensibilities of the public in mind.

I replied that I agree with them a 100% and Gujarat has a glorious past as far as leaders are concerned. This is a fact which no one can deny but in recent years we can all agree that Gujarat's image as producers of leaders has steadily been replaced with an image of home to a state filled with Satish Shah "30 years of experience" and Ketki Dave "Daksha ben" kind of people.

The problem that lies at the heart of this change of image all is not based on just Gujarat or Gujaratis. The problem is pan Indian.

We Indians as a whole have forgotten how to be philanthropic. In the earlier days people who were rich and prospered generally massaged their egos by making great institutions for the general public wherever they felt the need existed.

Whether it was the open lands at "Charni road" by Sir Jeejeebhoy for the poor farmers who could not afford to pay grazing tax or even the main causeway built between Mahim and Bandra by Lady Avabai Jeejeebhoy at a cost of Rs. 1,57,000/- completely out of her pocket with the provisio that there would never be a toll charged on it.

(The picture on the right is a photo of the market at Matheran a small hill station near Mumbai, which shows the donor of a whole market given to the common man to sell his wares purely in memory of his wife, click on picture to see larger image )

In return for the person being so magnimous, in the olden days we built statues at street corners and named buildings after them. Gave them a lot of respect and recognition for their generosity and they had great standing at public occasions and gatherings. We made them feel like great men and it was a win win for everyone.

Today our culture has gone from one of benevolence to one of greed and selfishness. Take the case of Lilavati Hospital, a hospital which was ostensibly made to cater to the needs of western Suburb residents of Mumbai in memory of the matriach and patriach of the family, as a legacy to their good name. Over a period of time it has changed into a temple to Mammon and has been embroiled in a dirty family battle to take control of its money making assets.

Every single project which should be of a philanthropic nature is now converted to one of greed. Roads are built in names of public private partnership so that people can make money unlike the olden days where grand people like lady Avabai did it for the sheer joy of giving something back. If she too had insisted on "public - private " partnership can you seriously even count the zeros her heirs would be raking in.

The problem lies in us not making enough statues of recent people who dig into their own pockets ( like the donors of these benches on the left just to give some people somewhere to sit on a hot day) and making too many of dead leaders who even if they gave something did it from the public kitty.

We do not name enough roads after the the philanthropists. Today everyone knows that if you wish for a road named after your father, all you need is a friendly politician who will find some excuse to get your fathers name put on the road.

We don't make the laws donation friendly. We put every hurdle possible in the way of a person who just wishes to maintain an open space in his area but we make very implicit and easy to follow rules to allow sharing of open spaces for commercial exploitation just so gardens are maintained and not encroached upon.

SHAME ON US! Instead of booing the utter failure of our Municipal Council to upkeep these places which is a part of their job description or the failure of the common man to improve these spaces without expecting something back from a city which gave him so much , we clap our hands and participate fully in these cockamamie schemes. The same schemes which are soon twisted and turned to blatant commercial exploitation exploit with the help of the local politician ala Khar Gym or MIG club.

What we do instead is write tomes about people who make money out of the same projects. We publish their photos on page three and everyone looks to them as demi gods. We write about what they buy their wives on her birthday and what their girlfriends wore to the party last night and everyone looks to it as a fairytale they would like to be a part of.

Wake up I say, wake up and make it socially acceptable to think of the common good before its too late. Honour the few people who still hold philanthropy close to their hearts. All it takes is a few god men ( and women) to make a great city.

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New York New York

Folks , I was in splits this week. I don't know how this happens, perhaps its my twisted mind but I couldn't help but notice two absolutely separate articles a couple of days apart which had so much in common.

The first was about how International consultant Wally Ollins who has changed the image of organisations like Scotland Yard, Volkwagen and Orange will soon be working with people like Secreatry, Special projects and Bombay First to make the image of Mumbai more attractive.

The excuse the Mumbai First Chairman had for this massive waste of time and money was that cities like New York, Johannesburg and Sydney were distinguishable internationally by their brand images, citing the "I love New York" slogan.

Since Mr. Ollins is not very familiar with Mumbai and its nuances I thought perhaps we can help Mr. Ollins et al in their quest.

I'm going to list the top 10 things that come to my mind when I think Mumbai. I would like it if my readers email me more on theindipatriot@yahoo.co.in and we can compile a list to send him.

1) Mumbai - a mix of different ethnicity which offers a complete variety of easy targets for every politician who wants to create racial tension under any guise.

2) Mumbai - where you don't need to pay EMIs or even buy a piece of land to get 1.5 Cr for your house

3) Mumbai - where cars costing over 7 lakhs (cost of a large house in a smaller city) outnumber cars costing less than 7 lakhs

4) Mumbai - where you pay for the air around your flat when you pay for salable area instead of carpet area at the time of buying a flat ( assuming you are not under item 2)

5) Mumbai - where every local 2 bit nogoodnik who has a birthday has 10 local politicians plastering his face on illegal hoardings on street corners wishing him.

6) Mumbai - A dream city where even the slums are duplexes. ( I've now heard of some triplexes in slums, and here we are still fighting about whether or not we should increase FSI for legal builders / societies who have actually paid for their lands)

7) Mumbai - A city where you pay as much for your parking space as you do for your car

8) Mumbai - where the traffic cop's stomach girth is only exceeded by his greed

9) Mumbai - where every single service provider under the sun makes money but you still cant complete a single decent phonecall either on landline or mobile

10) Mumbai - where lovers risk being washed away just for the few minutes of privacy.

The second item which caught my attention is the way branding should actually be done. Its New York. In order to fight aids they have gone all the way out and even put the NY brand on condoms.

The letters "NYC CONDOM" were printed in white or black letters against colorful circles, evoking the letter symbols the Metropolitan Transportation Authority uses to represent subway lines.

Now thats what I call memorable branding. Try doing that in India and people will cry blue murder and sacrilege against our culture. ( These self righteous people forget that in the Kama Sutra , a part of the true Indian culture theres a whole section on contraception).

The closest we have reached to a realistic Mumbai branding today ( rather India branding) is the Tantra Tshirts. Check them out on www.tantrauniverse.com

Don't forget to mail in your list of Mumbai symbols, yours may be the next "I love NY".

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Poetic Justice

I havent read this article but someone told me about it and I couldn't help but double up in laughter.

I believe a week or so ago Mid-day ran an article which said that the Kolis are now telling Raj Thakeray that hes talking rubbish.

It seems that the Kolis and the Agaris are the actual Mumbaiites and as per what they say the Maharashtrian families like the Thakerays did not even come close to Mumbai till the mid 1300s or so. Even then they were in a minority. The only reason why they are claiming right to it is because the seven islands which initially made up Mumbai were given in Dowry to the English instead of being retained by the Portugese.

If the islands were not given as dowry, today we would be having a union territory status just like Daman & Diu and Mumbaiites may even have been eligible for Portugese passports like the residents of Goa.

Anywhich way, the Maharashtrians and jhonny come latelys like Raj Thakerays who are calling the kettle black should look at their own pots.

I have enclosed a small time line alongside to show the development of Mumbai in stages and the important roles the different diverse cultures played to make it the great cosmopolis it is today. (click on image to see in full size)

A cigar to the person who tells me which non Mumbaiites (notice I didnt say non Maharashtrian) communities should leave Mumbai first.

After doing a first draft of this article I saw something which reaffirmed my faith in Mumbai.

Last night, I was passing by Union Park at about 10 PM (lies between Pali Hill and Carter road), which has of late become the home to many an eatery, ranging from the famous upmarket Olive and Shatranj Napoli to a whole line of small eateries.

I saw this line of people, standing along the road side, holding placards , peacefully demonstrating their point.

The point they were trying to make was that since these eateries opened up their life has become hell - with the traffic congestion, people honking even after mid-night, boisterous youngsters, loud voices saying bye byes which last 15 minutes or more, the works.

I spoke to these demonstrators for a couple of minutes and realized that they reflect the most common & basic issues prevalent in most of neo modern urban India, where sheer economics has changed primary residential areas to semi commercial ones, where shops and eateries flood the ground floors of what used to be purely residential units.

Upon deeper reflection it struck me that there was no reason for the restaurants and the residents not to co-exist. There is only one thing in their path - the selfishness and arrogance of the average Mumbaiite.

The more educated and richer the modern Mumbaiite gets, the more they think nothing of squeezing in the extra 2 inches at a traffic signal, even if it means they are going nowhere and are killing the traffic flow. In their Honda Cities, Accents and Corrollas, they think nothing of breaking signals or honking for no rhyme or reason. After all, there could be more than one ailing senior citizen who is entitled to his / her sleep way past mid-night, wouldn't you agree?

While I'm at it, I may as well even comment on the general tendency of motorists to use the horn as an announcement of their impending 'arrival'. I seriously think Mumbai has lost the understanding of what a horn is for. It's a warning device, to warn other drivers of impending danger, and not a tool to demonstrate one's masculinity. Later that night, I drove from Bandra to Andheri at 1 am and found I did not even have to honk even once. On the other hand I heard several honks for no rhyme or reason - where there were no other cars to warn, just motorists filling their own emptiness at that hour of the morning.

These neo moneyed Mumbaiites are the same people who will drive in a European city and they know that God forbid, their hand even wanders near the centre of the steering, since this is just not done.

THEN WHY IS IT A DONE THING IN INDIA?

As for the demonstrators, I fully appreciate what they are doing. Protesting in a systematic manner, drawing peoples attention to their problem in a peaceful manner on a very cold night and not barging in to the restaurants behind the local politician swinging lathis and breaking things.

A better example of Gandhigiri I have not seen in this day and age.

The ideal solution to this situation would be to probably sit the restaurant owners down with the residents across the table and perhaps arrive at a middle ground and use the moving image of the baby (on the right) as a poster at the exit asking people to be quiet. (I know that image moved me more than any other words / image could have done)

Perhaps a gentle reminder from the steward when they are exiting with words like" Please do remember that a baby may be sleeping when you are leaving" or maybe some other little reminders on the parking tags, anything which helps. They can even have some foyer space kept aside for the goodbyes. There are a ton of ideas but they need co-operation and implementation.

If the restaurant owners and residents are co-operative I don't see why there cannot be a satisfactory end to this peacefully.

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I applaud the judiciary once more, this time it's a landmark judgment which says that squatters on private lands cannot obstruct public interest projects.

We need more of these kind of judgments so that squatters (who have not paid anything for their land and are basically freeloaders) do not block the growth of Mumbai as a city and further, we need those judgments coming in faster so that squatters cannot use the courts to act as a stumbling block or blackmailing tactic like they do.

The courts are overburdened with cases like this one, where the litigants first claimed that they were eligible for SRA which was then thrown out, so they then did a volte face and said that since they were on private land they could not be evicted.

Put this in light of legal occupants who are thrown out of land just because it is required for "common good" as per a previous article (click here to see article) I wrote and we see the mockery they make of the law.

This is particularly important in the light of today's newspaper article which talks about the 5th & 6th lines from Kurla to Thane being blocked by 15 fish vendors, 11 toilet blocks and 2 temples.

If we look at the pictures of the vendors and the toilets which I have included in this article, does they even remotely resemble authorized structures?

Would any of the "vendors" be paying BMC charges, water bills or even by a remote chance, income tax, professional tax or any of the myriad of taxes the average shopkeeper pays.

Doesn't it make our blood boil that the honest middle class

taxpayer is having to hang for his life in an overcrowded train just because, as one of the fish vendors says "They marked my shop for rehabilitation two years back. We are still clueless about our fate."

This means that till they "get adequate compensation" they will not move, which means that we the average tax payer, will still continue to hang outside risking life and limb, and continue to reach office 15 minutes late every day.

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I must say I am a bit sorry about the state of Maharashtra. I had seen Raj Thakeray as someone who was perhaps a leader who would lead Maharashtra and ergo Mumbai into a new tomorrow - young blood who would provide a fresh injection into the ailing, doddering grey areas of bureaucracy.

His tirade the last week has shown him as a someone who could be :

a) easily manipulated by shrewd players like Uddhav Thakeray who has wisely kept mum on this whole issue and let Balasaheb do the talking. (My respect for Uddhav has gone up 2 notches).

b) is capable of tearing Mumbai to bits just to further his ambitions.

If any politician worth his salt, would have been in Raj's place last week, he would have pulled back the moment he saw that the forces were aligning against him. Instead what does he do, he sticks his neck out even further, pushing the envelope. Must say I give him credit for the size of his B...s.

Now let us understand the dynamics, many years ago, when Balasaheb was a young man and Mumbai was a young city, Balasaheb played a card which struck the right base for many a Maharashtrian. He said that the South Indians were taking over Mumbai. He polarised the public and instantly the Maharashtrians who saw their lands taken over in staunch areas like Matunga rallied behind him.

Raj of course thinks he can do a Balasaheb, but it's as futile as me thinking I can do a Jesus, Buddha or even a Hitler. We must learn from history, not ape it.

Raj has taken on the wrong segment. Even Margaret Thacher had to back off in the UK when she tried to polarise the public against the "brownies" ( people of the Indian subcontinent) who were overrunning the country.

There is a saying which was put forward by the British common public during that period which should summarise the idea properly "If the Indians were to leave , who would clean the toilets at Heathrow?"

The fact of the matter was, she backed off because Britain suddenly realised that any great economy is a patchwork of ethnicity and if the Indians were to leave and take their money with them, the British economy would nearly collapse.

Similarly, I think Raj and his ilk need to realise "if the Biharis were to leave Mumbai, who would do the carpentry". ( ask yourself, how many maharashtrian carpenters do you see ).

The fact is if the Biharis were to leave overnight, Mumbai would be up sh** creek without a paddle. Every metropolis is a living & growing orgamism and needs diverse cultures to make it so.

As for the police, they have shown themselves as the helpless straws in the wind which are afraid of even showing one ounce of strength. First they refused to arrest Balasaheb even though he has been indicted by the Srikrishna commission since it would "endanger law and order".

Now they are pulling the same excuse for Raj Thakeray. Does this mean that any common person tomorrow who can muster up support from 2000 odd people can do what he wishes and the police would be afraid to "endanger law and order".

When I think of the people who laid down their lives and paid in blood for the freedom of this country, I think of the song, "dekh tere sansar ki halat kya ho gaye hai bagwan, kitna badal gaya hai insaan." (oh lord, see what has become of the world you created, see how much man has changed)

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Before I start talking about the Nano I must thank the many readers who took the time to write in and say good things about last weeks' article on the old couple. When I wrote it I was fully ready to duck the virtual rotten tomatoes which I thought would be thrown my way from the history of the reactions to the past hard hitting articles I have written. Instead all I got was glowing comments. I thank the readers for showing me that at last my words are having an effect and promise that as much as possible I will keep up my hard hitting style to bring them fresh perspectives on life in India.

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Folks, everywhere we have looked for the past few days , its Nano, Nano,Nano.

People are talking about it, our emails are full of jokes about it, the TV anchors cant stop heaping laurels on it and the masses can't wait to book it.

One of the great arguments on the Nano is one that has my complete support which is the argument as to what it will do to the already clogged traffic system. Currently if we look at most of the major traffic jams in the suburbs of Mumbai they are mainly due to autorickshaws thinking they are a law unto themselves and jamming themselves into every inch of available space between 2 cars. These autorickshaws cost approx a lakh each anyways so we may see an upgrade movement to these hells on wheels.

This of course is compounded by what I call the educated morons who drive their Maruti Swifts or if they are rich then their Hyundai Accents into the very last inch of space at a traffic signal despite the fact that they can clearly see the crossing is clogged and all they will do is jam up the intersection.

I agree with popular thinking that most of them use their cars as penile substitutes and think that by jamming in the very last inch will give them some kind of proxy orgasm but enough is enough. The problem lies in there being no one there to cut off those substitutes.

The law machinery which is supposed to do so is collapsing with the cops being known to have a fixed value from Rs. 50 for a havaldar to Rs. 200 for an inspector. Now we have this new ambitious project of Zicom trying to fix cameras at all major intersections to keep an eye on offenders but how will photographing offenders help if the enforcers themselves are corrupt. Before spending such large amounts of public funds the RTO should look into the enforcement end of things.

In fact upon examination we find that the problem does not really stem from the cops nor can it be easily stemmed by locking them down , the real heart of the problem lies with the judiciary which is clogged so minor traffic violations are treated as an irritant by all an sundry.

If a cop does go to the bother of ticketing you he knows nothing will happen, all you will do is appear in court , stand in front of a judge and get a slap on the wrist. So actually in his mind he's doing you a favour by accepting the bribe since he's saving your valuable time in court the next day.

>>> Before launching the Nanos its my sincere suggestion that the cops should be privatised. Follow the idea of the BMC which has finally given up on the idea of stopping people from spitting (since the BMC employees themselves spit inside the BMC premises in fact they call it their identity card) and has outsourced the whole thing to private companies under the guise of "nuisance detectors".

Let the enforcement dept of the traffic cops be outsourced to "traffic regulators" and the cops can go back to doing what they do best i.e. standing on the side of highways at 10 feet intervals on "bandobast duty" for politicians.

As to the car itself, I'm sure everyone will agree that its a major achievement. The TATAs have truely made India proud to come out with a sub US$ 2500 car which every country in the world is trying for. The designers of the car of course have learnt from the mistakes of cars like the SMART. So I'm sure that we will see people going wild on them.

I'm wondering if all those raving about it have ever tried to sit in it, at 4 1/2 feet by 10 ft and seating 4 people, I seriously think that the carbohydrate filled Indians will have a severe problem shoving their (m)asses into it.

Lastly I cannot help but laugh at the jokes that are coming out of the stable which to date bear a grain of truth such as the one which goes, why would a gujju never buy a Nano ----since he would have to say "mare paas nano chee" ( I have a small one)

But some points made in jest among these jokes, which we must ponder are:

1) People will walk into the store and pick them up like they do their weekly groceries, especially keeping in mind that a good watch costs as much as a Nano. You will perhaps see a plethora of them at the checkout counters of most malls.

2) Spoilt kids will want one as soon as they are able to persuade their parents to buy them one instead of a new fancy toy which costs almost as much.

3) Jhuggis / jhopadis will now have a car parked outside to match with the satellite dishes on them

4) Beggars will now buy Nanos just like they bought mobiles when "har haath mein aapna" dream was launched.

5) Encroached Parking spaces will now sell for 1.5 Cr just like the encroached slums in Bandra (E) are being sold. The Government will then setup a new commission to investigate the reservation of parking spaces for the economically backward.

6) Drivers and maids will now be able to afford to drive to your residence instead of using public transport.

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Kaun banega Politician

There are 3 columnists I love reading in the papers, Jugs suraiya, Pritish nandy and Anil Thakerey. Anil Thakerey this week wrote something which had me in splits. He said something like since there is such a rush of chamchas (sycophants) trying to push their political masters name forward for the Bharat ratna which has fallen from the prestigious award to a mere token that we should take advantage of it.

What we should do is mix the popularity of the reality shows and the rush for the Bharat Ratnas to have a show where the politicians participate and do things to finally emerge as Bharat Ratna winners.

Methinks perhaps that way at least something worthwhile will get done in India.