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Before I start talking about the Nano I must thank the many readers who took the time to write in and say good things about last weeks' article on the old couple. When I wrote it I was fully ready to duck the virtual rotten tomatoes which I thought would be thrown my way from the history of the reactions to the past hard hitting articles I have written. Instead all I got was glowing comments. I thank the readers for showing me that at last my words are having an effect and promise that as much as possible I will keep up my hard hitting style to bring them fresh perspectives on life in India.

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Folks, everywhere we have looked for the past few days , its Nano, Nano,Nano.

People are talking about it, our emails are full of jokes about it, the TV anchors cant stop heaping laurels on it and the masses can't wait to book it.

One of the great arguments on the Nano is one that has my complete support which is the argument as to what it will do to the already clogged traffic system. Currently if we look at most of the major traffic jams in the suburbs of Mumbai they are mainly due to autorickshaws thinking they are a law unto themselves and jamming themselves into every inch of available space between 2 cars. These autorickshaws cost approx a lakh each anyways so we may see an upgrade movement to these hells on wheels.

This of course is compounded by what I call the educated morons who drive their Maruti Swifts or if they are rich then their Hyundai Accents into the very last inch of space at a traffic signal despite the fact that they can clearly see the crossing is clogged and all they will do is jam up the intersection.

I agree with popular thinking that most of them use their cars as penile substitutes and think that by jamming in the very last inch will give them some kind of proxy orgasm but enough is enough. The problem lies in there being no one there to cut off those substitutes.

The law machinery which is supposed to do so is collapsing with the cops being known to have a fixed value from Rs. 50 for a havaldar to Rs. 200 for an inspector. Now we have this new ambitious project of Zicom trying to fix cameras at all major intersections to keep an eye on offenders but how will photographing offenders help if the enforcers themselves are corrupt. Before spending such large amounts of public funds the RTO should look into the enforcement end of things.

In fact upon examination we find that the problem does not really stem from the cops nor can it be easily stemmed by locking them down , the real heart of the problem lies with the judiciary which is clogged so minor traffic violations are treated as an irritant by all an sundry.

If a cop does go to the bother of ticketing you he knows nothing will happen, all you will do is appear in court , stand in front of a judge and get a slap on the wrist. So actually in his mind he's doing you a favour by accepting the bribe since he's saving your valuable time in court the next day.

>>> Before launching the Nanos its my sincere suggestion that the cops should be privatised. Follow the idea of the BMC which has finally given up on the idea of stopping people from spitting (since the BMC employees themselves spit inside the BMC premises in fact they call it their identity card) and has outsourced the whole thing to private companies under the guise of "nuisance detectors".

Let the enforcement dept of the traffic cops be outsourced to "traffic regulators" and the cops can go back to doing what they do best i.e. standing on the side of highways at 10 feet intervals on "bandobast duty" for politicians.

As to the car itself, I'm sure everyone will agree that its a major achievement. The TATAs have truely made India proud to come out with a sub US$ 2500 car which every country in the world is trying for. The designers of the car of course have learnt from the mistakes of cars like the SMART. So I'm sure that we will see people going wild on them.

I'm wondering if all those raving about it have ever tried to sit in it, at 4 1/2 feet by 10 ft and seating 4 people, I seriously think that the carbohydrate filled Indians will have a severe problem shoving their (m)asses into it.

Lastly I cannot help but laugh at the jokes that are coming out of the stable which to date bear a grain of truth such as the one which goes, why would a gujju never buy a Nano ----since he would have to say "mare paas nano chee" ( I have a small one)

But some points made in jest among these jokes, which we must ponder are:

1) People will walk into the store and pick them up like they do their weekly groceries, especially keeping in mind that a good watch costs as much as a Nano. You will perhaps see a plethora of them at the checkout counters of most malls.

2) Spoilt kids will want one as soon as they are able to persuade their parents to buy them one instead of a new fancy toy which costs almost as much.

3) Jhuggis / jhopadis will now have a car parked outside to match with the satellite dishes on them

4) Beggars will now buy Nanos just like they bought mobiles when "har haath mein aapna" dream was launched.

5) Encroached Parking spaces will now sell for 1.5 Cr just like the encroached slums in Bandra (E) are being sold. The Government will then setup a new commission to investigate the reservation of parking spaces for the economically backward.

6) Drivers and maids will now be able to afford to drive to your residence instead of using public transport.

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Kaun banega Politician

There are 3 columnists I love reading in the papers, Jugs suraiya, Pritish nandy and Anil Thakerey. Anil Thakerey this week wrote something which had me in splits. He said something like since there is such a rush of chamchas (sycophants) trying to push their political masters name forward for the Bharat ratna which has fallen from the prestigious award to a mere token that we should take advantage of it.

What we should do is mix the popularity of the reality shows and the rush for the Bharat Ratnas to have a show where the politicians participate and do things to finally emerge as Bharat Ratna winners.

Methinks perhaps that way at least something worthwhile will get done in India.